Who’s to Judge

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.” Paulo Coelho
Q. In many of your articles you give different ways of approaching situations without saying which is preferred. I know no one has the answers but it seems like you are saying something different.  Is there a philosophy you follow?
Who are we to Judge?
A. Thank you for the depth with which I’m imagining you had to read my articles to come up with your question. I’m not sure I would call it a philosophy, but there is a training I have been involved with for years which has a definite influences on my life. This teaching is called non-dual awareness. I have worked with a particular teacher, Peter Fenner, Ph.D., and there are innumerable others teaching this work.
In non-dual awareness teaching, we accept that life is full of paradoxes. Therefore, it is impossible for us to know what is true. The best we can do is to not get attached to any one way of thinking. As a great man reminded me over 30 years ago, we don’t sit high enough to judge what is right or wrong. This reminds me of a famous parable.
Three wise men were blindfolded and led one at a time into a room where an elephant stood. Each was asked to discern what was in the room without removing his blindfold. The first, upon touching the elephant’s trunk, concluded a “snake” was in the room. The second, upon contacting a leg, concluded a “tree” was in the room. The third, upon grasping the tail, concluded a “rope” was in the room. All were surprised to discover the elephant once their blindfolds were removed.
We need stories like this to remind us that we usually do not have the full picture.
One of the numerous lessons I’ve learned from the non-dual awareness teachings is that my thinking is just that—my thinking. It doesn’t make something true.  We can say the same thing about knowing. We live in a culture where “knowing” is given great merit. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know. The trouble is that in a world that is constantly changing, what we think is true today, can be proven untrue tomorrow. If we get too attached to thinking we have “the answer,” we not only become arrogant and narrow minded, we blind ourselves to change and from other perspectives.
Another great lesson from a non-dual awareness approach is to do what is obvious. Many of us get easily overwhelmed. We have so much on our plates and think we have to “eat it all” (do it all) right away. When we actually look at all the things needing to be done without the mindset of overwhelm, we can usually see the most obvious thing to be tackled first. If we practice doing what’s obvious in every moment, we’ll find ourselves centering our energy and focus. Like nothing else I know, that takes us out of the illusory state of overwhelm.  From a non-dual awareness perspective, it’s okay to do it either way.  It’s a matter of choosing to be overwhelmed and taking ourselves out of the present moment or doing the obvious without dissipating our attention and energy.
Yet another practice I find valuable is to be complete in every moment. When you walk around being incomplete about your work, conversations, errands, etc., your mind stays very busy. If there is nothing you can do to complete a conversation etc. for an hour, a day or a week or more, recycling it through your mind in the current moment doesn’t help you. Seeing how you can be complete with it until you can do something about it frees up your mind and energy for what’s obvious to do and brings you back to the present moment. Sometimes it is as simple as telling your mind it can rest for a while. When you need its help, you will definitely call on it.
As you can see from these few examples, the non-dual awareness approach does not tell you what to do. It presents options. If there is a preference, it is for coming into the present moment to see what is obvious to do or not do. You could say since it assumes everything happens in the present moment, there is no need to project into the unknown future or ruminate over the past. It brings you to where the juice of life lives—the present moment.
Our thinking we have the answer, keeps us blinded to “the elephant in the room.” We truly do not sit high enough to judge what’s true or not true. We only have our perspective.
Feel free to email Jasmyne with questions for future articles.
Jasmyne Boswell is a writing coach/editor/marketing consultant. For over 28 years she has been a midwife to professionals in all fields, helping them successfully overcome personal stumbling blocks and birth their businesses, practices and project. She uses her creative gift with the written word to help bring your ideas into form. Jasmyne can be reached at (808) 268-5807 or by visiting www.jasmyneconsulting.com.