Chaos or Peace?

“It’s choice–not chance–that determines your destiny.”
Jean Nidetch
Chaos or Peace?

I returned to Maui a couple of days ago after being on the mainland for 3-1/2 weeks. It was great seeing my blood family and family of friends – some whom I’ve known for over 30 years.  Now I’m in re-entry mode. I’m sure most of you know that phase—remove the dust, unpack, get mail, fill the fridge, pay bills, contact clients and friends, etc.  Another way I re-enter is to take in the beauty of the island. Walks on the beach and dinner at the Paia Fish Market are among my favorite ways to reunite with Maui.
A training I’m involved with on the mainland has me there about three times a year. This was my longest time away since I arrived about two years ago but, as a friend pointed out, I seem to be having a softer landing this time round.  I usually attribute my rough re-entry to being torn from the familiarity of my roots to a newer experience on Maui. This is probably part of it, but what I have done in the past that I don’t seem to be doing this time is making one experience better than the other. Instead, I’m really appreciating both for the qualities they offer.  What a difference.
Re-entry is a fact of life. We not only face it when we come back from vacation but also when we meet our family or friends whom we haven’t seen for a while or when we leave a job, a line of work or even a marriage and then choose to return. We are in a way forced to calibrate, similarly to the way a camera does when it goes from one frame to another. This helps us focus on the present. When we compare, our frames are split and we can find ourselves in an either or mode – when we calibrate, we are fully in our new situation. We don’t really go back. We adapt to the change.
There’s nothing wrong with comparing when we simply see each situation for what it is. Often though, we compare making one way better than another. In a very subtle way, when we do this, we create conflict, war – one way wins out over another.
Media thrives on comparison. It glorifies one product often by putting down the competition. When our presidential candidates go after each other in this way, we learn more about what they dislike in the opposing party than in their merits.
In the late 80’s I traveled with a friend to Bali. We were eating dinner out. When ordering desert, my friend asked the waiter, “What is better, Bobby’s apple crumble or the chocolate cake?” I remember the confused look on the waiters face. He finally answered my friend saying, “Well what do you feel like, apple or chocolate.” In essence he was saying one wasn’t any better than the other; order what you prefer at this time. Twenty-eight years later and this episode is still fresh in my mind.
How would life change for you if you didn’t compare and simply looked at choices as an assortment of flavors? One flavor might appeal to you one day and another the next. How would your life change if you didn’t see someone else’s life better than yours, just different? How would a child’s or an adult’s self esteem differ if they weren’t better or worse than their peers? If we take this to an extreme, what if we saw cultural and religious differences just as we see different colors of the rainbow?
You can see how when comparing is magnified and taken into the psychology of right and wrong, it disturbs the peace. If you enjoy a state of chaos, you may want to continue comparing. If you enjoy a state of peace, you may want to notice how comparing can topple your apple cart. If you can see this last example as preferences – one preference as peace and one as chaos, you’ve just stood outside the cultural norm of comparison.
Experience the feelings in your body when you’re able to see choice as a preference – simply preferring chocolate rather than vanilla. Now, feel the energy in your body using that same chocolate/vanilla scenario when you are electing to make one better than the other.
The analogies I use in this article are not new. We all have heard this before and probably have a sense of noticing how we create chaos and peace in our lives. However, I’ve heard it said that it takes our hearing or seeing something at least six times before we really pay attention. When we pay attention, we take note. When we take note, we have a choice!
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Jasmyne Boswell is writer/editor, writing coach and marketing consultant. For over 27 years she has been a mid-wife to professionals in all fields, helping them successfully birth their businesses, practices, and projects. She uses her creative gift with the written word to help bring your ideas into form. Jasmyne can be reached at 268-5807 or by visiting www.jasmyneconsulting.com.